I am sorry for your loss of your mother at age 43. When you were only 17. She would have liked to have waited for you turn turn 18 but it was not possible.
Severe depression overcame her. She succumbed to her grief.
I’m sorry for the pain you feel because of her.
I know she would want you to live your life and learn to be happy without her for she loved you with all of her heart.
She felt she had to let go. She is no longer in pain.
She hopes you can forgive her as she has done for her own mother.
Grieve her loss and let her go in peace.
May you be blessed and
May you live a life of peace.