Nothing is Free

Whether you pay for it now or later, nothing comes for free in life.

I was one week shy of 15 years old when I let my boyfriend at the time take my virginity. I didn’t value myself enough to withstand the pressure of his begging and I was afraid to lose him if I didn’t give him what he wanted. Giving him sex kept him around for a few months, but eventually I got pregnant (twice) and when I told him I was going to carry the child to term, he chose to leave me and marry the other girl that he had gotten pregnant. Needless to say, I was devastated and it took me nearly 30 years of giving myself away to realize that people do not value you when you do not value yourself. I gave sex to many boys between the ages of 15 and 21. None of them gave me what I wanted. They didn’t love me and the sex wasn’t even good.

I married a 39 year old man when I was 22. He promised to take care of me but he didn’t. He just lied to me and made me believe I was crazy and said his favorite thing about being married was being able to roll over and have sex anytime he wanted it. I slaved for him for 21 years. I cleaned his house, fed him, supported him, gave him kids and raised them with values and morals. I bought myself a house full of stuff, trying to fill my empty heart. Then when I started to realize nothing was going to change and I was too tired to try anymore, I left him. That’s when I saw how little he valued all I had done. He didn’t even ask me to marry him or have his children. He really only wanted sex. It was me who valued the caregiving and home-making. I had spent the entire marriage foolishly trying to force him to want and value those things too.

I should have listened when he told me he just wanted sex instead of making him become a father and husband.

I paid for my experiences with sex. I didn’t get back what I expected in return. I didn’t get love, loyalty, commitment or respect, but I did get something. Today I decided that that something is awareness and self-love. I deserve to be compensated for my gifts. I am capable and powerful and I have a lot to offer the world. Especially the women of the world who have been disempowered and neglected by the men in their lives, from their fathers to their partners.

Empowerment is such an important lesson that it’s worth learning the hard way. You are always abundant in something because you are always manifesting. Abundance follows your beliefs. If you believe you are abundant in lack, you will see that reflected in your life.

I am no longer giving myself away for free. Those that value what I offer will gladly pay for it. When they value what I offer, they will show up and do the work it takes for them to heal. I can’t do it for them. Each of us have to heal ourselves and we will heal only when we decide that we are worth it.

People who want things for free are living in a disempowered state of mind and they won’t be able to benefit from the things they get for free. If they don’t feel that something is worth money, they are saying the very thing they want doesn’t have value.

“Ego means believing that your deeds determine your worth; but nothing you do can change the fact that your worth is infinite”

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