Say a Prayer for the Pretender

I know I have changed
I am not the same as you remember me
It’s ok though
I am still me
I’m just more me than I was when you thought you knew me
You knew the suffering me
You knew the me that was traumatized and afraid
The angry me
The me who had yet to heal my pain
It’s only natural that people change when they evolve
The trouble is
We aren’t used to seeing people evolve
We are used to seeing people de-volve
It isn’t common for people to remove themselves from their uncomfortable situations
To grow
To move up and on
We are used to people staying, even when they’re miserable
We are accustomed to watching people suffer, develop health problems, and eventually die a slow, sometimes painful death
We don’t realize that’s what we are seeing while it’s happening
But that’s what’s happening

When you see me leave my house and everything in it,

When you see me leave my family, my pets, my job, and my entire life behind, you may not find it comfortable because you aren’t used to seeing it. People don’t choose to start over. People choose to suffer.

So when you see me start over and when you say I’ve changed, and when it makes you have feelings about it, it’s not because of what I’ve done, it’s because it shows you the contrast of what everyone isn’t doing. What you aren’t doing.

Maybe you’re scared because you might just be pretending to be happy. Maybe deep inside there’s a part of you that knows you are suffering because you are trying to be someone you’re not.

We all reap what we sow.

If we want to sow joy and happiness, we must be joyful and happy.

If we are sowing misery, it is because we are miserable.

The power to create what we want is inside of us all. We are the creators of our lives.

If we are pretending to be something we are not, we will fail to create what we actually want. We are creating a lie.

If we change
And start being true to ourselves
We will create a life that reflects our feelings
Our truth

We can’t fail at being ourselves
We only fail when we pretend we are something we are not

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