Homesick

I feel homesick for a home I’ve never had
For a feeling of love and belonging that was missing from my childhood
For a feeling I was never successful in creating in my own family
With my own children
A feeling of love
A feeling of belonging to something meaningful and valuable

Buried under all the anger
Is a longing for oneness
For connection
Understanding
A longing for a feeling of relief

It was too painful to address this feeling
Too excruciating to acknowledge that love was missing
No amount of kicking and screaming
Can make a person who cannot love
feel love
The contrast between us is more evident than ever

Finding love within my self
And receiving love from someone else
Shines a big spotlight on the lack of love that exists in them
In all the people in my past
Save for one

This place of grief I’ve avoided for years
I must feel it if I am to heal it
I came to this life with a plan
This is the plan that I am meant to follow
It’s my responsibility to get through it
I can’t blame them for their part
I can only thank them for offering this perspective

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