When the Son Came Out

Suddenly it all became clear
As if the sun came up and the shadows faded
All this time I’ve been pissed about how it is
Pissed about the way I’ve been treated
Pissed about being screwed over
Pissed about the lack of support

And I’ve been fumbling around in the dark
Bumping into the same corners
Bruising myself on the same pieces of furniture that haven’t moved

Then yesterday in my meditation
Suddenly it seemed like someone switched on the light
Here I have been so angry
At the way people are being
When in reality
They have always been this way
It’s me that has changed
They haven’t changed at all
They were this way from the beginning
I had agreed with it
I had been compliant
I went along with their abusiveness
I turned a blind eye to the con game
I had chosen to ignore it at the time
Because to see it would make me responsible for doing something about it
And I didn’t feel strong enough to leave it
Until it became clear that it was killing me
So when I finally did make the change
To love myself
To leave the toxic energy
Then the toxic people became so much more painful to me
It became intolerable
And I got angry

But now I can see
It doesn’t help me to be angry
Or to fight them
It only keeps me engaged in the toxic dance
And they aren’t suffering from dancing to that tune
Only I am
So it’s time to detach
Let go
Walk away

That life was never meant to be for me
I was never meant to carry anything away from that place
Except for experience
The lessons
The gifts
Things that cannot be appraised

Suddenly the anger is different
I’m not angry at them
For being what they are
It’s all they can be
They’re not capable of more
Like having an illness or a disability
I can’t ask more of them than they can do
I can only have compassion
Understand their limitations
There’s nothing I can do to help them
There’s no debt to them I owe
And there’s nothing that they owe me, either
It’s a wash
A write off
It’s just over
Suddenly the light came on
So I can finally close the door

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *