I am currently living a new life with full memory and feeling of my past life. I began this new life in the same body just two years ago. I did not have the benefit of death followed by a respite on the other side of the veil, rather, I have had to process the lessons from my past life in real time as I was being resurrected into my new life.
In my past life, I was a very gifted child who was abandoned at a young age by my mother, and suffered severe emotional abuse and trauma from my father and stepmothers. I later entered a marriage with a sociopathic man who had no empathy or conscience. This led to more emotional abuse and trauma. I became a mother at a very young age, and with my children, I tried to create the family life that I never had had for myself. I gave everything for them. When they were little, I received love back from them, compensating the lack of it in the rest of my life. As they became independent, my back became broken as I tried to sustain my soul in an environment devoid of support or love. I had spent most of my life convinced I was mentally ill for believing that there should be more to life and human connection than I had experienced. As my physical body began to deteriorate, the idea of death began to feel like it might be a gift that was just out of reach. But my soul had other plans.
Rather than seeking the immediate end of suffering through dying and starting over, I made a conscious choice to leave behind the life I was living and to resurrect myself into an entirely new existence. Without the benefit of death, mourning and acceptance, however, my family, my children and those I left behind do not have that kind of clear opportunity to reflect on my contributions and to focus on all that I gave them throughout their lives. Instead, they remain angry, feeling abandoned and blaming me for the failed marriage and family arrangement.
If my body had died in my past life, I would have left behind everything and there would be no guilt, no anger and no chance for communication based on the beliefs of those I love who remain on the Earth plane. Eventually they would accept that my time had come and my suffering was over. As it is, I chose not to die, I chose to consciously change and remain available for my loved ones should they desire to have a positive and loving relationship with me.
I have been resurrected on a new continent, into a new culture, surrounded by people who don’t know anything about what I experienced in my past life. I have been given a clean slate, a new mindset and a clear understanding of what I have brought from my past life and what it meant to me. I have been born again as a stronger, wiser and more powerful being than I ever could have been in my past life.
Now that I am settling into my new life, there are times when my heart hurts because of the things that happened in my past life. My family members want me to feel guilty for my choice, and society also teaches that I have done something wrong by leaving my adult children, breaking my marriage and family home. It is during these times when I must ask myself: Why would anyone want me to stay in that dark, depressed, suicidal state? Why don’t my beloved family members see how I am healing emotionally and physically in my new life, and I can be there for them now in a way I couldn’t before? Why don’t they want what is best for me, let alone what is best for themselves through me?
Too much focus on past life drama prevents me from living life to its fullest now. I say no to the guilt that others want me to feel, or that societal thought forms try to persuade me to feel. With a full understanding of the choice I had, of the meaning of that choice, in the full knowing that I made the best choice for everyone involved, I forgive myself for everything that took place in my past life. I leave behind the guilt, in order to be fully present and happy in my new, resurrected life.