90 Days

Today is my 90 day milestone 

I have been here for 90 days

90 days in

90 days out

For the past year I have been in and out

In and out

Living life from a suitcase 

Back and forth 

Looking for support

It is difficult to find people who will help you

When you’ve escaped from captivity 

You wouldn’t think it should be that difficult 

And if you live in an illusion, it will come as a shock

No one has the time

No one has the money

No one has the desire to help 

Yet they’re so very quick to judge 

I was disillusioned 

By thinking I had family

By thinking I had friends

I traveled all around the country 

Looking for a lending hand

And I was disappointed 

I was the little red hen

“Who will help me start my life over?” 

Not I said my dad

Not I said my grandmother 

Not I said my aunt

Not I said my friends 

Is there no one who will help me?

Is there no one who sees what has happened to me?

Is there no one who will support me?

While I get back on my feet?

I will, said a stranger

Who lives across the sea

I’ll help you get your life back

I’ll help you set yourself free

Today I have a permit

I do not have to leave

They can’t complain about the choice I made

They forced me out of the scene 

I’m so grateful for the things I’ve learned 

Painful as it was

I’m grateful for the love I’ve found 

I’m grateful for my home

I have a permit now, to stay

Why would I want to return

To a country or a state of fear 

That doesn’t want me there

I am going to settle here

I’m going to make a life

One that I can call my own

Not being someone’s wife

I see the past for what it was

I’m healing all the pain

I thank them all for showing me

What I was never meant to be

I thank them for the opportunity 

To remember how much I can survive 

I thank them all for helping me 

Remember how great it is 

To be alive

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