I Had to Gain My Booty Back to Realize Self Love

My weight has been up and down my whole life. I sometimes eat my feelings. So now I’ve gained a few pounds and I’m pretty surprised about how it feels like it happened suddenly. It’s been a really long time since I’ve been this big, it feels weird and I can’t afford to carry this much around on my small frame and still healing body. The weird thing is, I don’t feel the same about being fat as I did before. I have this new awareness I’d like to share with you. It’s very strange for me to feel this way, like, I am not happy that I’m carrying this AT ALL, but I don’t feel the disgust and self loathing that I felt in the past. I still love and accept myself, even though I’m not in the shape I would prefer to be in. I love myself. That is the difference. I know what to do to lose the weight. I’ve done it before. I will simply make the decisions in every moment to do what someone who loves themselves will do, from what I choose to eat, to how I choose to move. I’ve been working on other things in this past year. I’ve been healing my heart so it can feel safe to feel again. And now that I can feel, I feel a lot of love. The best feeling is the unconditional love I finally feel for myself. Learning that lesson, feeling that feeling, knowing it is real, and not just me telling myself, but actually FEELING it like a feeling.. well, I’m even ok that I had to gain a little weight on my booty to feel it. It feels great. Of all the feelings I feel, unconditional self love and acceptance is the best feeling I’ve ever felt šŸ’•

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