Finding the Truth Within

43 years

For 43 years

I was

Angry

Suppressed

Forced to be strong

Treated like a punching bag

Treated like a dog

Unloved

Like I stood a chance

Looking for something

Something like love

Not finding it

Told it doesn’t exist

And it didn’t

Exist

Outside of myself

But I didn’t know that

Until I looked inside

Inside of my own heart

I found the truth

The truth within

Personal truth

The level of love

I needed

The love I have inside

To give out

I looked in the mirror

I began to see the pain

I was allowing

That I would never have

Inflicted upon another

It is too painful to face

To see my own pain

My own guilt

That I have been an angry mom

Angry at J.E.

And letting it out on the kids

Angry at myself

For not having the balls to leave as soon as I realized it

Looking back and remembering that moment

When I had another option

And I chose a karmic path

Giving my daughters

To the beast

Jehovah

Teaching them

And torturing myself

Allowing them to control me

To tell me what to think

What to believe

Enslaving me

In a marriage

In my mind

In my body

Teaching me that love was teaching others

To be fearful compliant sheep

Or be saved

By a blood sacrifice of psychic fear

Saved from

Saved from

Living life

L

I

V

E

Delivering them from evil

As if it were a thing

Not

Living

Is

E

V

I

L

The only evil is what you choose to believe is a limitation on your free will

Your freedom to be infinite

Your own fear

And fears of others

Aren’t real

Aren’t reality

Unless you feed them

And believe them

And give them the level of energy they

Require

To stay alive

To kill them

You must starve

Them

Starve the thoughts

Starve the beliefs

That

You

Need

Anything

Not food

Not love

Not a body

Not a name

Not water

Not air

Nothing

You need nothing

Because you lack nothing

You are everything

In every moment

You

Are

You

Are

You exist

You exist

Because

Of

Love

L

O

V

E

Is

L

I

F

E

That’s all there is

The beginning

And the end

Infinity

Is

Love

Is

The

Highest

Vibration

High

Is

Vibrational

🦋

PTSD

Anxiety

Panic attacks

Symptoms of agoraphobia

Don’t just manifest for no

Fu€k!ng

Reason

Are we paying attention

Or is realizing

That what we thought was true

Wasn’t

Is it so overwhelming

That we prefer the comfort

Of the fabrication

To the pain of the truth?

I’m not allowed to give full disclosure

Because of

Threat

But you can put the pieces

Of the puzzle together

And get a pretty clear picture

Of

Who

Is

Actually

In

C

O

N

T

R

O

L

🦋

Honestly it does make me a little sad when I look at how many people have walked away from my life. I’m beyond the point of believing it is a reflection of me or my beliefs or behavior. My story has been written and it is what it is. My choices have always been to pursue peace and happiness, even if it didn’t appear that way, it was the best I could do. I admit to the fact that I allowed things to take place, and people to treat me in ways that weren’t healthy for me. I wasn’t capable of having healthy relationships because I didn’t love myself enough to say no to painful things. I am the queen of suppressed anger. I denied that was angry for so long that it began to deteriorate my central nervous system. So instead of exploding all at once, the anger began to leak out. Honest words began to flow and people became offended. I’m sorry they left but I’m glad I don’t have to be infected by their judgment or negative energy anymore. You don’t need a large circle of friends, just a few who support your pursuit of your own greatest good.. No matter what that looks like

🦋

Facebook Memories from this week in June, one year ago

06/23-28/2016

I’ve come so far

I’ve still a way to go

🦋

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