All I Really Want

All my life I’ve been chasing people, places and things.  Searching for happiness outside of myself.  I have come to a place in my life, now, where I think I finally understand what it is I really want.

I really want to be self sufficient.  I want a little basement flat where I can be by myself and be content on doing so.  I want to earn a living doing what I do best, understanding others and creating works of art.  I want to be completely happy and content on my own.  I don’t want to feel like I need anyone’s help, or love or approval in order to be complete.  If I decide to be in a relationship, I don’t want it to be based on need.

I want these things for myself, but it is going to take some work.  I have an uphill legal battle ahead of me that I really don’t want to engage in, but I have to.  I’m doing it on behalf of me.  I also have to comply with the authority of this world, preventing me from being where I want to be.  I’ve been waiting for the world to change for as long as I can remember.  Last year I realized changing the world starts with changing me.  

My soon to be ex husband calls me a bulldozer.  He says I set my mind on something and I don’t let anything stop me from doing what I set my mind to.  I have to say, he is right about that.  I know what I want for myself.  And no matter how challenging it is going to be for me to get it, I will not stop until I do.

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