I am having a very hard time forgiving people and things of the past. I’m having a hard time forgiving myself and others for past actions that caused me pain. I want to heal unresolved anger, hate, jealousy, resentment and guilt. I know if I do not forgive, it will continue to block my success. These emotions are toxic to my body and hold me back from attracting a harmonious life. For the sake of my health and future happiness I must forgive the past. I’m told forgiveness doesn’t mean blessing, forgetting or condoning the unsavory behavior of others. It means releasing myself from the self-created prison. Releasing myself so I can move forward with my life.  I have a hard time not being mental about what forgiveness means. There are some words I just cannot swallow. I have been bent and broken under submission and agreement. I cannot permit the mistreatment of me. But somehow I must teach myself how to let go and truly forgive. I think I can permit others to be who they want. I can get out of their way and let them do what they will. Unless it harms me.  I can no longer allow mistreatment of me. I can no longer agree or submit to things that harm me. I can accommodate another person’s need to be themselves. But I have a feeling it is going to take time for me to overcome being gun shy. 

I want to move on from all of the real and perceived betrayals. I want to create a happier future built on freedom and inner peace. I understand that bitterness only attracts disharmony, misery and pain. Forgiveness is the best way to set my spirit free. By reliving past misfortune, I run the risk of attracting more of the same. When I forgive, let go and move on, I will be able to make my dreams come true. I will improve my prospects for the future when I practice acceptance and forgiveness.

The past is over. It is time to shed the old life. Divine will moves me forward. Now is the time for self realization. I am trying not to overthink things or to be overly critical.  Too much thought ruins my creativity. I need to develop my humanity and trust my intuition so I know when to think before acting and went to act before thinking. I must be courageous. I have a strong and generous heart. I must forget about personal errors in judgment and allow my heart to open. Open heartedness restores my confidence in human nature, bringing with it joy and happiness. I must focus carefully on my work and what is currently happening in my life. I believe renewal and freshness will appear that perhaps I hadn’t expected. I need to be attentive to profit from this. I need to think about ways to be proactive in initiating this renewal, rather than simply waiting for it to occur. When I do that, I risk the urge to run away again. I can be dark and destructive as much as I can be creative. Both powers are necessary for life to flourish. If I am able to channel both of these forces within myself, I will find it easier to pursue my goals and access my innate vitality.  

I am learning to honor all parts of myself. I know there will be opportunity to travel even if I settle down. Stuckness is not inevitable just because I choose to commit. I don’t want to run away from the best thing I’ve ever had. I don’t want to be afraid of repeating the past. Being stuck made me miserable. I admit I am afraid to commit and have that happen again. I’m aware that my fear is a defense for becoming fully alive and for all the vulnerability this entails. It is the time of change, of initiation, of new beginnings. It is the death of one thing and the birth of another. I believe that if I expect a bright dawn, it will surely come.  I just need to be patient and loving to myself.

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