When One is One

If one lives with extreme negativity for long enough, one becomes numb to the pain of it all.  It doesn’t mean one doesn’t feel it, but to survive it, one must tolerate it somehow.  If one believes there is no way out, if one believes the environment they’ve been in for their entire life is normal, one will use various ways to escape.  Addiction, escapism, avoidance, all kinds of ways to just not feel the pain of life. 

If, by chance or by divine guidance, one escapes the negativity and survives, one must heal and relearn how to feel.  The only way to heal, is to feel the pain one has avoided for however long one was trapped in the negative cycle.  Once the feelings come to the surface and are felt, once healing begins, one will naturally be raw and sensitive to any amount of new environmental negativity one is exposed to.  One will recognize the familiar feeling of pain right away.  One will become intolerant to anything that even closely resembles the painful feelings one had been subjected to for so long.  

One must begin a new life after ending the old one.  One must ask oneself how much negativity one can tolerate, if any.  One will have learned that pain is unnatural and unnecessary.  One will have to make choices about what kind of experiences one wants to be subjected to, what kind of people one wants to be surrounded by.  One who has been nearly depleted will be careful to take care of themselves.  One might want companionship, one person to accompany them on the journey of life.  But if even one person comes with a small amount of negativity, the healing one who is now more cautious with their new understanding, will think long and hard about whether any negativity at all is worth the pain.  

Is it possible to avoid negativity at all in this world?  Will there always be a measure of suffering in one’s life?  Is perfect happiness possible?  If peace begins within oneself, and one is responsible for the feelings one feels, is it better to be present with oneself and be alone to avoid feelings and experiences that cause additional suffering? 

One must ask oneself what is the most important thing.

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