If I wasn’t so insecure, I would have left him when he told me
his favorite part about being married was being able to roll over and have sex whenever he wanted.
If I had known better..
I wouldn’t have compromised myself for fear of being alone.
I wouldn’t have done what I did to myself.
I played the role they wrote for me
Crazy, sick and mentally ill
I wouldn’t have sold myself short.
I wouldn’t have kept the blindfold on
If I had known my efforts would not have made a difference.
I wouldn’t have cowered for fear of being rejected
I would have stood up for myself
I would have told the truth
I would have screamed at the top of my voice
I would have left and set boundaries
I would have shown my children what a strong woman really looks like
I would not have rolled over and given permission
I would have said no to this game
So many if I would haves.
I would not have said it was love
I would not have supported the lies
I would not have believed I didn’t deserve better
I would not have let him convince me he was the only one who could understand me
I would not have let him take over my life and my mind
I would not have agreed with this contract
I would not have ignored what I was thinking
I would not have cocreated this dysfunction
I would have called it out for what it was
It was idealism
I would not have been so self deprecating
I wouldn’t have discredited every one of the compliments I was given
It was approval I wanted
Approval only I can give myself