What's in a Name

I took my name back a year ago today. My name is very special. I chose it before I was born, much like my daughter did when she was born. We had picked out a list of names but when the nurse asked me what it was, I heard the name clearly stated. And so it was.. 
My mother named me Christina Hope Justice at birth. She said wanted me to have a formal name but she wanted me to be called Christie. The sound of it became traumatized though, because throughout my childhood, my dad would shout at me like a dog. I couldn’t stand to hear it spoken. Later as a teenager, people began calling me Chris quite steadily for a while. Sometimes my friends would call me CJ.

When I moved to the east I supplied my full given name when I registered for school and have stuck with it. Then I got married and obtained a new last name. I thought I liked it at first because it seemed synchronistic. But I soon found out that there was a darkness surrounding it. There is a whole history around his last name. It is fictitious. Escobar is a name his dad picked when he brought his family here from Bogota in 1970.. Long before Pablo. His last name is actually Jimenez from his mother, but she was never married to his father Montes. Turns out being born out of wedlock was quite scandalous and the fact that Montes was some rich land baron in Colombia was too humiliating for him. So he left the country and took on a fake name. 

So a year ago I was making the break, one step at a time. I love my name and I’m proud of it. I carry that name for a reason.

I feel like it was part of my healing process, standing up for myself, making the decision to be myself. I had been suffering from being someone’s wife. In October 2016 thought I was dying, seriously, I can’t even describe the pain I’ve suffered. I found out I wasn’t a candidate for surgery after all this fear that I needed it. So, in the end, what were my options? Succumb to this deathly pain, or get busy healing? The moment I made up my mind to get better, the moment I began learning just how to make that happen. Then I herniated another disc, but instead of a setback, it was a gift. This whole experience has been a big, crazy, beautiful gift.

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