ESP or extrasensory perception is perception occurring independently of sight, hearing, or other sensory processes. – The Skeptic’s Dictionary
It has been a challenge to be me. This life I’ve led has been confusing. I am a highly sensitive person. This means I perceive things that other people don’t. I have extra sensitive perception. It is also called ESP. Some people don’t believe these extra senses exist. They don’t understand how it works. I didn’t either until recently. And that is why my life has been so confusing. It might even be considered a disability.
Because I didn’t understand that not everyone perceives things the way I do, I believed there was something wrong with me. I can feel the feelings of others, I can read their minds and hear their thoughts in my head. This sounds crazy if you don’t believe these things are possible. And the family I have been around were such people. My mom didn’t understand what was happening when I was a child, why I behaved the way I did. She left me when I was four. My dad certainly didn’t understand me, and neither did his wives. My husband didn’t understand me, although he would like to believe he did. I wasn’t around anyone like me. In addition, I was involved in religion, which specifically taught that abilities like mine are detestable to God, they are the works of the devil. Believing that made me afraid of myself and of God.
Often I would use food to suppress my emotions. This resulted in poor physical health and an autoimmune disease that exacerbated my inability to control and understand my feelings.
For this reason I became stuck in the mental health system. When I would feel things from people close to me, and express my perceptions to them, I was told I was wrong, they didn’t feel that way and I was shut down. Eventually I would have a nervous breakdown and be sent to the hospital. This happened multiple times. The medical system is just as bad as religion when it comes to acknowledging ESP. The questions they ask you, like are you seeing things and hearing voices, led me to believe there was something wrong with my brain. I had a disorder that needed to be controlled. I agreed to take medicine and soon became stuck in a cycle of more confusion.
Finally, in 2009 I decided to take control of my health. I began an autoimmune protocol and elimination diet that would not only help me lose nearly 100 pounds, but it also helped me take my mind back. Eventually I became totally chemical free and gained more clarity than I’d ever had before. I also met a woman who had similar abilities who came from a family that supported her. When she displayed these gifts as a child, her grandmother and mother understood exactly what it was and allowed her room to develop and grow along with them. Seeing this made me realize just how much pain I suffered because of lack of support. It seems like such a simple thing.
I am so grateful to have met Eric. It has really helped to have someone who understands me supporting me. I have come to understand myself better in the process. It is not easy being different.. I still don’t know how to deal with people who don’t perceive things the way I do. Up until now I would struggle between allowing myself to be abused and being abusive myself when trying to set boundaries. I still don’t know what the happy medium is. I still don’t know how to assert myself in a way that doesn’t hurt myself or someone else. I’m just grateful to have a good supporter who helps me feel safe as I learn these things. I’m grateful that I’m not crazy after all. And that I never was.