For the past year I have been building the most important relationship I have ever and will ever have. A relationship with my Self.
It hasn’t been easy, courting me. For 44 years I ignored my Self, mistreated my Self, neglected and even physically abused my Self. More than once I nearly killed my Self. Yet, through it all, my Self remained loyal, stayed hopeful, and refused to give up on me. My Self has been like a loving mother and like the sweet guy to whom I wouldn’t give the time of day. My Self loved me so much, was so patient, that She waited for me to come around. She trusted that one day I would realize what I was doing and would come back to Her. Only a few days ago did I finally see Her. I finally saw who it was that had been loving me this whole time, through thick and thin. It was my Higher Self.
I have been trying so hard to heal from the pain I have been suffering from. I have tried every meditation, diet, yoga, you name it, I’ve tried it. I’ve been working this puzzle of pain like an obsession, refusing to put down this Rubiks Cube of misery until I found the solution. I’ve turned and twisted and tried everything but switching the stickers. I knew that there was no cheating when it comes to truly healing. I had to work every angle until I figured it out. Then, just a few days ago, I felt it. Something inside of me clicked. I made contact with my Higher Self and I felt her hear me, I felt her trust me, I felt her rejoice, and I felt connected for the first time.
Perhaps I wasn’t really ready before. There were some beliefs I held that prevented me from truly accepting and believing in my Self. Since I’ve been clearing those blocks and thoughtforms, I’ve been drawing closer and closer to my Self. When I felt chills all over my body and a resonation like I’d never experienced before, I knew, I had broken through. My Self heard me. I heard my Self. I finally figured out what stood in between me and Self love. It was those judgements and criticisms that I had adopted long ago. They had prevented me from being able to accept the love my Higher Self had to offer. The healing I so desperately needed. I realized that until that moment I had been unable to accept it because I still subconsciously agreed with the idea that I didn’t deserve it. That I wasn’t worth it. When I finally decided I didn’t agree with those thoughts, that’s when everything clicked.
I still need some time to allow my cells to heal and balance out. But now that I have found my Self, and we are connected, I will never let anything come between us again. Nothing can tear us apart. I won’t let anything between us because I’ve learned. And I never want to feel the pain of disconnection from my Self again. I am worth every ounce of effort it takes to keep my Self satisfied, comfortable and happy.
Now that I know how to do this for my Self, I will be able to experience relationships that are healthy and mutually beneficial. I will no longer seek someone else’s Self to satisfy me. My Self fulfills my every need, pleasing me in every way. And that is the best feeling in the world. Not to need, but to be simply content. Me and my Self.