I have serious issues surrounded by feeling
Of feeling a sense of lack
A need of something
What is it?
It’s unconditional love
I need unconditional love because for my whole life
I have felt undesired
My parents didn’t intend to have me
I was a disruptive person for coming into existence
Changing their lives
So I feel rejected
The knowing that they and everyone associated with them really didn’t want me
I have felt undesirable because all of my relationships have ended in rejection
I feel unsought
They weren’t asking for a child
I was an accident
This is how I have felt about myself for 44 years
And my body knows it
My mind knows it
And because of these subconscious beliefs and thoughts I have had about myself
I have been self destructive
That ends today
Today I realize
I am desirable
I want my life. I want to live. I want to be happy and healthy and pain free
I deserve it. I am worthy.
I am desired by me
I am wanted because I want myself. No matter what anyone else wants or says or thinks about me
I want me.
I have always felt not wanted. And when someone else actually wanted me, I then realized how stuck I was in that feeling
I felt nonessential. Like my life didn’t matter
I felt insufficient. Like I’m never good enough. I can never do enough. I’m a bad daughter and a bad wife and a bad friend and a bad mother. I felt like nothing I did was right or good enough. Or enough period.
This was my feeling. Because I felt that way about myself.
As of today, I have begun to disagree with feeling undesirable
I am desirable
I am wanted
I am welcome here
I deserve to be here
Because if nothing else, I feel this way about me.
And my feelings about me are what matter most
And for thriving
Which is a whole lot more important
Than just simply surviving
(painting by the beautiful Teal Swan.. available at www.tealswan.com)