Wouldn’t it be nice if we could say we get along better now than we did when we were married? Wouldn’t it be nice if you were more supportive to me than you were when we were married? Wouldn’t it be nice if there were no longer silent resentment between us? And we were focused on what really matters? We could support our children together. Wouldn’t it be nice if we were both growing as individuals, and we were supporting each other in that individuality?
I guess that only happens in La La Land.
The person I am dealing with is a narcissist. This is a man who suffers so grievously in his own skin that he can’t sleep. He must create his own reality to protect an inner child who is terrified of the world outside of his imaginary design. His compulsion to receive attention, to support his reality, drives his every move, an addiction far beyond his ability to ever co-author healing within himself.
I will never get anything from that man besides ridicule, shame, abuse and pain. It is not worth it to me to raise the money for a lawyer to go after anything of his. Even though I am entitled to it. Even though I invested everything I had into our marriage. Even though I loved and gave and tried to make it work as best as I could. It is just not worth one more ounce of my energy. I will never get validation from him. I will never be understood. He will never comprehend that what he does is harmful, not only to himself but to his family and everyone else. It is not worth one more ounce of my energy, effort or time. I just want my freedom. I just want to move on.
I want to be free from the hate and the rage and the powerlessness and the frustration I feel when I have to deal with him. For my own healing and health, I want to move on and leave him and everything associated with him in the past.
Even if that means leaving my children with him. They sound exactly like him when they talk to me. They are programmed by him and they spew ignorance just like him and that is toxic to me. I do not deserve to be treated the way my family and everyone else from that time in my life have treated me. I am done.
Done with Mister E
Done with the kids
All three of them
Done with Dad
Done with S.P.
Done with D.G. and her clan
Done with the entire Justice family
Done with everything and everyone who no longer aligns with my thinking, my purpose, and my way of life
Thank you, Universe, for the clarity to see just how toxic life has been
Thank you for the eclipse to clear it out and change the energy
Thank you for the invitation to live in La La Land with my love
Thank you for keeping me alive amid all that pain until I could actually see for myself
What is love
And to understand that I deserve it