Dear Husband

To my husband who hates me.. I’m sorry to say.

I wish it were different, wish we didn’t split up that way.  

We built a whole family, our home and our life. 

I tried to make you happy, 20 years as your wife. 

You worked hard and provided, the best you knew how. 

Although we were divided, in everything, even now.

15 years of age difference, our culture and our beliefs 

You took the anger and the pain, there was no relief

The whole time that we suffered, the voice of our dads

We both had much trauma, yours just as bad

I know you are still angry, you should be, I think

You carried all the responsibility, right to the brink

You haven’t faced your demons, those ghost of your past

One day you’ll admit it, and find solace at last

Those painful memories at the hands of your father

Jacqueline feels all the pain, your family won’t bother

To look at why we became this way, the hurt, unresolved

When you go back to childhood, the mystery is solved

As children we don’t understand why they treat us that way

We blame ourselves and take ownership of those beliefs everyday

Until we can look at them, those feelings behind the pain

They will haunt us and control us, again and again

I understand you, dear husband, I know why you’re this way

A little boy, still traumatized, you can’t get away

You still carry the torch for him

You still try to make up

For the approval you never felt within

The comfort and the love

I can’t make you understand, it’s your journey, you see

You never did become a man, you just morph with your needs

Still a little boy, just need to cry, trying so hard to please

You’re too afraid to be yourself, afraid to fall to your knees

Afraid the world will fall down

If you show yourself and all your flaws, you fear you will drown

I don’t blame you, babe, I know it hurts

Those wounds you still bear

I hope you do the inner work

Because I still care

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