To my husband who hates me.. I’m sorry to say.
I wish it were different, wish we didn’t split up that way.
We built a whole family, our home and our life.
I tried to make you happy, 20 years as your wife.
You worked hard and provided, the best you knew how.
Although we were divided, in everything, even now.
15 years of age difference, our culture and our beliefs
You took the anger and the pain, there was no relief
The whole time that we suffered, the voice of our dads
We both had much trauma, yours just as bad
I know you are still angry, you should be, I think
You carried all the responsibility, right to the brink
You haven’t faced your demons, those ghost of your past
One day you’ll admit it, and find solace at last
Those painful memories at the hands of your father
Jacqueline feels all the pain, your family won’t bother
To look at why we became this way, the hurt, unresolved
When you go back to childhood, the mystery is solved
As children we don’t understand why they treat us that way
We blame ourselves and take ownership of those beliefs everyday
Until we can look at them, those feelings behind the pain
They will haunt us and control us, again and again
I understand you, dear husband, I know why you’re this way
A little boy, still traumatized, you can’t get away
You still carry the torch for him
You still try to make up
For the approval you never felt within
The comfort and the love
I can’t make you understand, it’s your journey, you see
You never did become a man, you just morph with your needs
Still a little boy, just need to cry, trying so hard to please
You’re too afraid to be yourself, afraid to fall to your knees
Afraid the world will fall down
If you show yourself and all your flaws, you fear you will drown
I don’t blame you, babe, I know it hurts
Those wounds you still bear
I hope you do the inner work
Because I still care