I’ve been told that people think I’m “coo-coo” for sharing my feelings and thoughts in a public forum. That what I am doing is crazy. They have their opinions about what I should or should be doing with my life and they have expressed that in various ways. Not always nicely. They are allowed to have their opinions about that. What I do is not wrong or right. They just have certain feelings about it and they are entitled to that.
What I have done for the world by sharing my experience is to show what it looks like to go through the journey of self healing. I know I am not the only one who was deprived of a safe and loving childhood. I’m simply setting an example for those who share a similar experience that it is ok to cry. It is ok to break down. It is ok to be angry and have old, unresolved feelings come up and be released. I’m showing people what pain really looks like. The raw, ugly side of having denied those perfectly valid feelings for such a long time.
When I began sharing the things I was experiencing on Facebook a year ago, then later on this blog, I was afraid at first because I worried what people would think about me. Would they think I was crazy and judge my credibility? I was guided by my own intuition and my connection to god and spirit. I was shown that this is something people needed to see. That there are a lot of people suffering and that I was setting an example for others who also needed relief from pain. Several people messaged me privately to tell me I had inspired them. That what I do means something. I have continued to be encouraged to keep going on because I can feel myself healing and I can feel others taking strength from witnessing it.
There are those who oppose me because what I reflect to them triggers their own feelings that they have yet to feel. It is extremely painful to have your own ego held up for scrutiny if you are not yet willing to face it.. let alone heal. These people point out that certain behaviors are wrong and that I should be doing things differently. In every day life, however, we generally don’t know what other people are going through unless they tell us. None of us have enough information on one another to rightly say how one should or should not live their own life or how they should make choices. This would completely invalidate the right to free will. No one can truly walk in your shoes, therefore, no one can live your life for you, nor should they want to. Particularly if they have little control in their own life, which most of us really don’t. We all do the best we can in any given moment according to the information we have at the time. When we get hung up on the idea that we have made a mistake or that someone’s actions have wronged us, we fail to see the bigger picture. The higher perspective tell us that everything happens for a reason and every experience is an opportunity to choose how we feel. In other words, life is not about what happens to us, it is about how we feel about the things that happen to us.
Each new day gives us an opportunity to start over. When we are mentally and emotionally stuck with feelings from the previous day, or feelings we never resolved in childhood, we will act according to a program that we may not even be aware of. We may have subconscious feelings that continue to try and teach us what we need to let go of in order to reach our full potential. If we continue to refuse to deal with these feelings, we will continue to manifest the same experiences until we finally look within ourselves for the reasons this keeps happening. If we externalize our power and continue to believe that life is happening to us, instead of us making it happen ourselves, we will stay stuck in patterns that cause us much suffering and pain.
This world is full of programming that influences our beliefs about what is real and what is irrational. From the moment we are born we begin to adopt our perspective based on the people around us. We get our emotional education from our parents, our religions, our peers, our government and our media. We are taught to think from such an early age that, unless we stop and really question things, we may never distinguish the difference between what we are told to feel and what we actually feel.
If one has experienced a life of suffering and powerlessness, eventually we may awaken and become aware in an effort to extract ourselves from pain and find some kind of relief. We may go on a spiritual journey for answers and find various tools to modify our feelings and thus our behavior.
Everyone is living their life by choice. No one is a slave to anyone else unless they choose to.
I have and will continue to share my personal experience of empowerment as I continue my own journey of life. I will continue to cry and rant and share my feelings with the world to show what it looks like to not be afraid. I will set the example of healing the child inside of me to inspire others to do the same. I will continue to feel safe in order to show others that the only things we have to fear is truly fear itself and the suffering that results.