For 44 years I listened to the outside world/people/family tell me how I “should” feel instead of actually feeling what I did feel. I became a master at this to the point I didn’t even know what I really felt anymore. That all ended when it became impossible to feel anything else. I felt angry. Really fucking angry. Like, Godzilla destroys the world angry. And I have every right to feel that and let it come out of me, no matter what it looks like to anyone else or why they think it should be otherwise. Do you know why? Because holding it inside of my self and pretending it’s something else other than what it is has been more destructive TO ME than being honest about it ever would have been.
You should feel what you feel. Problems arise when you try to pretend you don’t feel what you actually feel. Just feel it, honor it, love it and integrate it. They are your feelings and are as much a part of you as your lungs, and heart and eyeballs. To deny your feelings is to deny yourself. Just feel it. The funny thing about feelings is, our heart feels them but our mind tells us to feel/think otherwise and that does not stop the feelings from being what they are. They just remain under the surface and cause us to overreact at little things later in our lives, when the original feeling is a perfectly natural reaction to what was happening at the time. It is a bit like allowing someone else to tell you when to breathe.