I have become aware, in the last year, that I was repressed, suppressed, and those feelings made me feel depressed. I’m feeling my feelings now. I’m letting them speak. I hear them. I’m no longer suppressing them. And I am becoming free. Covering them with excuses and denial and distractions is what got me into the anger in the first place. This is how I feel. These are my feelings. I no longer allow myself to deny myself. I no longer surround myself with people who will not accept how I feel or even demand me to deny the things I feel.
As I think about my journey in just the year that has passed, I am proud of myself and how much I have healed. It is easy to forget the way I felt when I first left. It takes time and practice to UNfeel the feelings you have been suppressing for your entire life. It takes time to untangle them from your psyche and to come to understand AND BELIEVE that those feelings, although they are ok, because they are your feelings, they are not appropriate anymore. Maybe they never were, but now they no longer serve a purpose. They no longer keep you safe because you have left the situation where those feelings or the denial of feelings kept you protected from whatever or whoever it was that you were afraid of.
It requires surrounding yourself with people who accept you and offer you a space to feel and heal. It helps if they are understanding and patient. Trauma is painful and frightening to integrate and heal, but it is possible. Contrary to what the medical community would like you to believe, healing and recovery of illness, including disease of the emotions and thoughts IS POSSIBLE. It requires self love and a willingness to do the inner work. And every ounce of effort is worth it. Every ounce of energy expended on YOU is worth it. YOU ARE WORTH IT. I AM WORTH IT. WE ALL ARE WORTH IT.