I’m addicted to pain

I’m addicted to people who are mean to me

I need to be mistreated to feel ok

I cannot tolerate your kindness

Your patience makes me sick

I need to be abused once in a while or else I don’t feel normal

I cannot sit at the table and be treated like a queen

It reflects to me something foreign

I prefer you to be mean

I don’t know why I do this to myself

I don’t know why I can’t give it up

I need to be punished and tortured and abused

Tenderness makes no sense to me

I can’t sit here and watch you be kind

Your generosity makes me so angry

What kind of world do we live in that feeds on pain

What kind of masochistic creation is this

The only thing I’ve ever wanted is to be loved unconditionally

I can’t even bear the thought of it

There must be something wrong with me. I must be crazy or insane

I must have lived a lifetime starving. Suffering and in pain

Now that I have found a way out, I found friends who will bind me up

I can’t even stand the thought of it. I just want to run away and hide

I am a fighter dog who has escaped, all the anger I’ve stored inside

I’m looking for relief and peace, but all I know how to do is fight

I’ve never met a tender hand, one that fed me nice

When someone’s kind I growl and bite, I trust no one

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