I understand why you’re not talking to me. I admit that when I first awakened, I was very angry. I was angry at Jehovah and the Watchtower organization for the pain and slavery I had been feeling. I vocalized my anger and drove my friends away. I’m sorry for that. I love my friends and it wasn’t my intention to shock them or pain them. I was in pain myself. I felt a strong urge to set myself free, to turn the pain inside out and reflect it back to where it belonged. It belonged to my entire life structured around the belief that I must obey to be saved. The faith I once had was shattered.
It seems difficult to understand why anyone would leave Jehovah when you’re serving him so faithfully. We look upon those who leave as apostates, as rebellious ones with a lack of appreciation for the spiritual banquet Jehovah has made for us. To leave Jehovah is tantamount to murder. Murder of oneself and murder of others because, once you know the truth, if you do not obey and also warn your neighbors, the blood is on your head. We spend countless hours sitting before the platform, listening to them tell us how much Jehovah appreciates our whole souled service, and asking us for just a little more effort.
It is not my intention to criticize Jehovah’s organization and his teachings. I’m not writing about my opinions on that right now. I just want you to know, from my heart, why I chose to take care of myself and why that led me away from this relationship with Jehovah.
I did my best to believe what I was taught. I did my best to teach others. But my heart is strong and passionate and the more I tried to convince myself not to listen to it, to believe that it is treacherous, the more I began to break down physically. One disc at a time, my spine began to buckle under the weight I carried and the lack of support. It’s as if I had an IV connected to my central nervous system and it was draining my life force from me, little by little, day after day. I was neglecting my own needs and the needs of my children in service to Jehovah and the organization. I gave until I could give no more.
I prayed fervently to Jehovah for help. Every time I walked into the Kingdom Hall, I brought the love I had and hoped to get it back in return. I saw a sea of smiling faces and heard words of love and encouragement but underneath it all I could feel the fear and suffering of each of those same people. What I saw did not match what I felt. I felt the exhaustion and the frustration. I felt the underlying anger and resentment. Resentment that would come out on occasion. Like when someone doesn’t listen to the message. Resentment and fear that is turned into a giant wall separating the witnesses from the worldly people. Us and them. And we are trying to get all of them on our side because we know what will happen to them if they don’t. We pity those who will be on the wrong side when Armageddon comes. We pity them and we fear that we will not make it ourselves. What if we are disapproved somehow at the last minute. Of course we know Jehovah is loving, but what if we are doing something and we don’t know it. What if. There are so many unknowns. We really have to have faith and keep going to the meetings and in service. Jehovah knows when we are doing our best. He knows if we have doubt or a wavering in our faith. So we stay focused on the material he provides and we don’t let our eyes wander to anything else. We don’t want to see anything that may question what we have been persuaded to believe. Because if we question, who knows how our minds may be corrupted.
Being a Christian isn’t for everyone. It is not true that everyone must believe a certain dogma to be rescued from destruction. It just isn’t true. And no God of love would enslave people like that and still maintain that this is love. These are beliefs that were created to control people and to lock them into the mental process of it. The watchtower organization has cornered the market on the most convincing way of interpreting the Bible. They must insist you listen to your mind and your mind alone. They know that the mind can be programmed and the heart cannot. The heart is the best lie detector. If you listen to your heart, you will see that it is more powerful and more influential when it comes to motivation. There is no stronger or more powerful motive to do anything than love. Love is the most powerful energy there is and it comes from the heart. If you shut the heart down, turn it into a treacherous criminal, and warn an entire collective not to listen to it, you will gain control of that entire collective and they will be easily confused and manipulated to do whatever you want them to. This is what religion has done and Jehovah’s organization is no different. It is no different than the false religion they preach about.
The writers of the Bible have warned us against spiritism and have forbade us from using the stars as guidance. They deny the existence of energy and put science on the other side of the coin. In reality, science and religion are the same thing. They are systematically creating a world that ignores the humanity of beings who are essentially metaphysical and intelligent. If you unsubscribe to all of the belief systems in place right now, you will discover that your world is infinite and limitless.
These are facts I am inherently aware of. Unless I am depressed and medicated, I cannot resonate with the teachings of these organizations. When I am happy and secure, I have unlimited clarity and access to the entire world of consciousness. I hear it, I see it, I smell it, I know it. All the information is there. It is not limited to a certain number of people, bought from the earth. It is not limited to how well you obey. It is limited by your own belief in those things. When you stop believing the program they are controlling you with, you can have everything you imagine. You can heal, you can have peace, and you can live forever. Your energy will never die. It will simply transfer from here to there.
We are infinite beings. This is a part of our core. Once you understand this, you cannot be unwillingly detained. It’s just the way it is.
I don’t want to coerce anyone to be or do anything they do not want to be. Those days are over for me. I encourage everyone to become the greatest version of themselves possible. Whatever that may look like to them. If that is within the constraints of another person or an organization, that is your choice and no one should stop you. You should do what makes YOU happy. You should do what your soul feels called to do. No matter what that is. It is your journey and no one else’s. This is my journey. I am healing. I am loving. I am ok. No matter what happens out there. I’m ok in here. And that is all I ever wanted. And no one can give that to me, except for me.