Black Pete

Yesterday I posted a controversial video about Zwarte Piet on FB.  Since the post brought out some issues with color, I think I’ll say that the topic of racism really does matter to me. I grew up in southern Idaho which, until I left there I did not know how racist the state actually is. There are a LOT of white supremacy groups that live there. It’s wasn’t in my awareness at the time and the ignorance I was raised around has caused me some embarrassment in my life because who I am as a person is in conflict with what I learned. My dad did not teach me anything except by example. He treated me equally to our dogs, in that I was basically told to get out of his hair most of the time but as a very observant child I watched him and listened to him and learned based on his behavior. So when I went out in the world I was shocked to find that things were different out here and I had to learn to get along. The first time I ever really took note or thought anything when seeing an African American person was when I went to visit my mom on the east coast at about 12 years old. I remember staring at this person and thinking.. oh wow their skin is darker but wow, they’re really just the same as me. I don’t know why exactly, but I must not have heard positive things growing up about black peoples. Nothing specific I just remember that I was really happy that they weren’t any different. To this day every time I eat a Brazil nut I remember with shame that they were referred to as nigger toes like no big deal. As a kid at school, when choosing between us we would do the eeny meeny miney mo game and it occurred to me later that in Idaho in the ’80s kids said nigger instead of tiger. It is shocking to say that, but that’s how we grew up.. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. That’s just how I grew up. Just ignorant and it bothers me. My doctor in Boise who delivered nick was black and I was so happy to have him. I was young and alone and he was so caring and kind. I’ll forever remember Dr. Watts’ face in my mind. The empathy in his eyes comforted me. Later I fell in love with a man of color and I almost married him. It was really painful when my mom got thrown out of the house and I was also thrown out along with all my belongings out the window, because I happened to be there at the time with my black boyfriend and my stepdad said to me, I’m going to call your grandmother and tell her you’re dating a nigger. And he did. And my grandparents disowned me for several years, even after we broke up. My grandma actually said to me she was a bigot and proud of it and would never ever change and she didn’t want me bringing nigger children into the world. She actually said that. I couldn’t believe it. I’m embarrassed that that’s my family. What’s even worse is that my family isn’t just ignorantly racist on that side, but my great grandpa was also an active member of the KKK in Charleston, SC. He had some kind of high position. I guess he sometimes wore a red robe instead of white.I don’t know what that means and I don’t care to find out. I found his sash and a white rose patch in my moms stuff when she died and the energy I felt just holding it in my hands turned my stomach. My family murdered other human beings. I’m not proud of that at all. Yet this is what I was born into. I can imagine how much I would have had to overcome if they had actually trained me to think or had paid attention to me more. As it is, when I later settled on the east coast and joined Jehovah’s Witnesses, I spent a lot of time with people of color. I think that’s why I was so convinced it was the truth because they really do seem to unite the people with an all inclusive belief. (Except for gay people but that’s another post). Over the years I said some stupid and ignorant things at times. Simply from lack of understanding of course, but even my friends were sometimes shocked and unnerved at the things I would ask.. like I didn’t know their hair could grow all the way down past their butt. Like, not many black women grow their hair that long, so it’s not common and I only saw one once but it brought up that belief we are somehow different and I was embarrassed standing next to my black best friend at 40 years old and realizing the comment I just made about black hair revealed that thought form. It’s shocking how these ideas, as subliminal as some are, shape the ideals of our society. They are thoughts that have been created and reinforced and now have a life of their own. These thoughts are now alive and operating as entities ready to attach themselves to people. The only way to get rid of these thought forms/entities/demons regarding race, is to disagree with them and stop reinforcing them. These beliefs will die if WE starve them. They will also keep living and growing if we keep feeding them. Personally, I do not want to feed the negativity any longer. So if you read this whole thing and you believe black or white or yellow or red people’s feelings are less important than your tradition or ideas, I invite you to seriously think about the kind of world you want to leave to your grandkids. You are creating this reality in every moment of the day simply by thinking your thoughts . I believe in a world of love and inclusiveness and of being one family and one race. The human race. That’s the future I want to create. I hope my friends think thoughts that support that future, too. I love you guys ✌🏼✌🏿✌🏾✌🏽✌️✌🏻#oneloveoneheart

4 Comments

  1. Christopher Bland
    December 22, 2016

    Your very strong for getting that our of your system…. And I commend you for that.😎👍

    Reply
    1. Black Swan Sybil💙
      December 23, 2016

      Thanks for saying so.. it’s an ugly game that people play

      Reply
      1. Christopher Bland
        December 23, 2016

        Yes indeed… And I’ll never ever know why….

        Reply
  2. Christopher Bland
    December 22, 2016

    Lol… Out of your system

    Reply

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