Letting Go

I’m standing here all alone

Looking back on the past 12 months 

Looking around to see who is still here

No response to my texts or messages

It still feels lonely in the world

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever feel like I belong

If I will ever feel loved or fit into your life 

I know it’s just my perspective 

Post trauma from years of being miserable 

Of feeling unwanted and burdensome 

Of trying to make love out of nothing

And getting nowhere trying

Obstacles now seem like mountains 

Insurmountable and solid

I’m still learning to love myself

I’m still learning how not to abandon myself

To give up when it seems no one else cares

I know that’s not true

People have their busy lives 

Their ways of doing things that don’t have anything to do with me

People care less than we think

Or maybe more, they just don’t show it

Maybe they’re afraid 

Of being alone, just like me

Maybe people are also paralyzed by the pain of the old patterns

Afraid to let go and move on

Things aren’t the same as they were before

The way I did things then 

The way I felt beforehand 

It’s all in the past now

This is my chance to move on

Letting go isn’t as easy as it seems

The old ways are ingrained

I’m sorry for the pain I caused

And for the pain I allowed to myself 

I’m looking forward to the future now

I’m keeping the lessons I’ve learned

And I’m letting go of the past that no longer serves me 

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