E=me2

I am in love with every part of you as if you were myself. It’s almost as if you’re the more feminine version of myself in a male body. There are a list of similarities we share. We have lived a parallel yet strangely opposite life path.  We are balanced by each other’s strengths and weaknesses. We are chirality. We are mirror images. Right hand and left hand. Counterparts. Equals. 

My attraction to you is unlike anything I have ever felt before. I love your mind, the way you think and speak. I love the loving way you care for others, especially your family, and me. You’re a loving papa, an attentive son, a loving friend and comrade.  You are the most generous person I have ever met, and a gifted human being. You have this magical way of diffusing my tension. You are empathic and sensitive, and I’ve never heard an unkind word from you, even when you are angry at people who should hear it.  You are strong and forceful, but never unkind. I have never wanted to listen to someone else’s advice until you. I’ve never respected or trusted anyone as much as I respect and trust you. You are courageous and you have a strong sense of justice and you also allow yourself to be vulnerable and soft. You are never critical or judgmental and if I need correction, you are kind and I know it is always my choice. You love unconditionally.

When I close my eyes and remember you, I smell your body… How you smell like me, so familiar and musky…I can see all of you. I see your hair, soft and brown and fine and thin. Exactly like mine. When I close my eyes I see your beautiful dark brown eyes, framed by soft brown eyelashes and distinguishing lines of time. Your eyes are penetrating and full of wisdom. You have eyes that smile and kind of light up when you are excited…Your eyebrows dance with your emotions and highlight the expressions on your face. I think of your angular nose that you’re as self conscious of as I am of my prominent round forehead. The distinct shape reminds me that you are a golden eagle in many ways. I love how your nose fits perfectly next to mine when we rest our lips together, and we are breathing softly in rhythm while our souls are connecting- becoming one and losing time while our breath blends into one. Which reminds me how much I love your mouth. Oh, your lips. I could write a whole dirge about only your mouth and all that proceeds out of it… And your smile, radiant and beautiful- especially when you’re smiling at me. Yum. 

 I see your tall, statuesque body. You are so long and lean and when you walk, you sort of glide… You remind me of a dancer. You are so graceful when you stand tall and hold your posture proudly. You remind me of a beautiful sculpture somewhere in a European garden. So graceful.  Even your profile is familiar to me somehow. Your clearly defined features – Unequivocably and unmistakably yours. Sometimes, depending on the way you tilt your head, or turn to the side, I have a memory flash. I remember you. As if I have seen you many times throughout my life. 

There is a feeling of a long lost brother. Which was actually possible with my dad’s first wife. But now that we have met I know it is you I have felt. I have painted you – I knew your name, I didn’t know it was you, I didn’t know what you look like, or even what I was painting – I just painted a male version of myself – standing outside the window – part of my hand resting on my female self inside. At the time I felt like I was painting a brother, or some loving male friend. There was also the sketch where I drew our profiles – yours and mine. Two faces, completely different – one person. And now that I have met you – it matches your profile down to the Adam’s apple. I can feel that it’s you. Like the way people see/feel a UFO and they just know what they saw. I just know.

I feel like you have always been with me… Like I was somewhat conscious of your existence, although I did not know exactly what that meant. Maybe you are a childhood friend that I played with at the beach on vacation, or someone I ran into at the skating rink in my teenage years. You are strangely familiar. I feel like I have met parts of you throughout my life in different people and now you are here… You are a whole person.  You’re real. I’ve seen you with my own eyes, I’ve touched your skin that feels exactly like mine and I’ve listened to your voice as I watched your lips move. You’re not a figment of my imagination, you’re not an elusive dream or a fantasy.. You exist. I’ve met you. And you fit like a puzzle in every way. Especially where it matters most. 

All the men I have dated and even certain women in my life have shared certain qualities with you. But they were not you. You check every mark. You fit the psychic/spiritual/unwritten description. You resonate with me in every way. You seem to be the perfect match. I’ve always had the sense – or the desire – or the awareness of the presence of a sibling, a twin. At least since summer camp in grade school which someone swore I looked exactly like someone they knew also named Christie. Christie Bear. I remember lol. Maybe I was looking for a doppelgänger.. I’ve been looking for something .. 

I’ve always believed there is someone out there like me, someone who can understand me And doesn’t think I am too “complicated” but understands what my life has been like from my perspective. Someone on my team. Someone who knows what I want because they want the same thing. Someone who knows when I’m not ok even when I say I am.  Where’s the guy who can read my mind and my face and my eyes and my energy and unsaid thoughts? Where’s the guy who wants understand? Who wants to know how I think?  I’ve been looking for him. 

My heart had been dormant for 15 years or more when I met B. last year.  Something in me awakened and I began asking questions. I had been trapped in an institutional guilt contract of toleration. I was love starved. Loving me was just another burden for J. I had forgotten what love/attraction/desire felt like. B awakened me to how utterly miserable I was. My first thought/question was “what is this feeling? Is he my soulmate”? That is the only word I have ever known referring to a lifetime partnership of love. When he was not available to answer questions, I reached out – I reached out to a group – looking for like-minded companions. You answered my cry for help. I recognized you. You told me about the twin flame idea. You assured me that I wasn’t crazy. I just knew you were the one I wanted to talk to. I just knew I could trust you and the more we talked, the more I felt you. Everything you said made sense. Like I had a boxful of mysteries and you helped me figure out the combination to every single one. You didn’t have keys, you helped ME figure out what I was doing. I was chasing the feeling of love. I didn’t know where it was coming from. All these thought forms confused me and clouded my judgment. You patiently helped me to see that I was addicted to pain itself. You held me to see my situation for it really was, that it wasn’t right and it was the direct source of my pain. You help me to see that it was OK to let it go. I deserved to let the pain go.  You patiently showed me what it would look like to not be in chaos and pain. You helped me understand that I deserve to be loved and not to be hurt. To say no. You told me love is not hurtful. I believe that. You supported me as I have worked hard to make myself better. You helped me to come to understand that I am infinitely worthy and deserving of love. You showed me what that looks like. You set an example. And you helped me figure out how make choices for myself and become grounded and confident, and to move past the anger I was carrying. You did this as a friend and mentor and with such human love and generosity that I began to recognize love. It was in me the whole time. And there was you, standing next to me, loving me from the moment you met me. Healing me no matter what it takes and without asking for anything in return. That’s when it hit me that it’s you. It was you the whole time and I kinda knew it, I just couldn’t accept it because I felt like I didn’t deserve it/you. It actually took quite a while to sink in. Still, you were patient. It’s you!❤️

I don’t know what we are. Soulmates. Twin flames. Life Partners. I know I have always wanted someone who is like a soulmate and I crave the twin flame love that’s blissfully romantic and wonderful – The perpetual orgasm as B. called it LOL, it’s true- I want that. You fulfill all of those. So whether we are or not… We are in a position to experience true, deep and lasting partnership, connection and love! I am so excited for this new journey with you 💛 you are my knight in shining armor, my handsome and courageous prince charming, my tall dark and handsome hero. We have created our very own fairytale and a story that is much better than any Nicholas Sparks book/movie and in ways that even the most romantic author cannot fantasize. As long as we are compatible like this, and you continue to be the amazing man that you are, helping me become the most amazing person I possibly can be, each of us  doing both for ourselves and each other, I will love you until the end of time! I feel beautiful when I’m with you. You make me feel appreciated and loved and accepted and understood. I love you more than I ever imagined possible! I want to shout out to the whole world how wonderful you are and how truly blessed I am to have you in my life! People should know there is hope in romantic love after all! I want to show them with you. Happily ever after is possible.. Starting with us💜

💚Thank you for making our dreams come true! 💚

I love you, my love

xoxoxox 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *