Old Man

He’s an old man now

At the end of his life

Or so he feels

He’s tired

He feels like a failure

He looks back at his life

His regrets and failures

And mourns that he didn’t do things differently 

The should’ves

The could’ves

Plague his heart day by day

He’s so depressed he’s convinced himself

No one cares about him

No one loves him

The doctor said he has 6 months to live 

Before the cancer eats him up inside

It’s aggressive

It will probably be quick

He doesn’t tell anyone

He doesn’t think they will care

He makes arrangements to disappear 

To die without anyone knowing it’s coming

He thinks it’s a secret but his face tells the truth

The way he talks 

The way he is making financial decisions and uncharacteristic purchases 

He is so depressed he doesn’t even know how to wrap his mind around how he feels. 

He is just done

Done and tired

Angry that he gave his life in service 

And feels like he got nothing in return

Hopefully he gets the vibration 

Of love that I send him every day

He doesn’t answer my texts or calls

He doesn’t reply to my picture messages 

But hopefully he knows I love him

Even if he doesn’t feel like he deserves it

I think he does

I know he did his best

The best he knew how 

Based on how he was raised 

And his awareness at the time

I get it

I’m also a parent

And the best thing I did for myself

Is accept my flaws and mistakes

And stopped trying to be perfect

I don’t even know what that is


A person who loves them self 

Would know there’s no such thing

You just do your best

That’s it

Love yourself and you’ll learn to recognize when others love you

If you don’t believe you deserve it, well

No one can convince you otherwise

You have to believe it

You did your best

So do your best until the end

Show me your best

Better yet

Show yourself 

Your best

It’s now or never

Better late

Than never


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