Of all the things I’ve taught myself

In my lifetime of observation and integration 

I claimed mastery of the practice

Of concealing emotional and physical pain

Of operating like there was nothing wrong

And believing I was invincible all the while 

I was a master of not letting my feelings show

An actor wearing a mask

In the last 5 years it became harder to maintain this charade

My body forced me to surrender 

Forced me to stop and listen

And transform the deceptive practice of pain denial 

Into whole hearted acceptance of what really is

A slow process of learning to show compassion for myself and my own feelings

Instead of forcing myself to be something or someone I’m not

With surrender comes freedom

And the need for theatrics dissolves 

Allowing for tenderness and healing 

For love and receiving 



Coming to know 

Mastery isn’t the control of pain

It’s letting go of it


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