Of all the things I’ve taught myself
In my lifetime of observation and integration
I claimed mastery of the practice
Of concealing emotional and physical pain
Of operating like there was nothing wrong
And believing I was invincible all the while
I was a master of not letting my feelings show
An actor wearing a mask
In the last 5 years it became harder to maintain this charade
My body forced me to surrender
Forced me to stop and listen
And transform the deceptive practice of pain denial
Into whole hearted acceptance of what really is
A slow process of learning to show compassion for myself and my own feelings
Instead of forcing myself to be something or someone I’m not
With surrender comes freedom
And the need for theatrics dissolves
Allowing for tenderness and healing
For love and receiving
Understanding
Releasing
Coming to know
Mastery isn’t the control of pain
It’s letting go of it
💜