22:00

Since the day I met you

I have depended on your voice

I have held your hand

You have held me steady

Yet

As I’ve transformed 

I’ve been blocking your love

I’ve been scared to engage completely 

Your care for me is

So pure 

So foreign

So frightening

So healing

So addicting

So confusing

Holding a mirror to my flaws

I’ve pushed you away

And pulled you back again

I’m still unstable

Still uncertain

Who it is that I really am

I never imagined 

In all of my pushing

How much pain I was inflicting

I never imagined

You would let go of my hand

I couldn’t imagine what it would feel like

Without you 

Because you were the one that stabilized us

I took you for granted 

That you wouldn’t let go

And now just as I’m learning to fly solo

And I’m starting to see what it is

That I’m really afraid of

If this is losing you and finding me

I’m afraid that what I’ll see

Is that I’m just unsure of me

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