Facebook Reminds Me How Far I've Come 2016/21/03

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.            — Soren Kierkegaard
Midnight musings.. Common sense would tell a thinking person that if someone told you that you would need to OBEY WITHOUT QUESTION, EVEN IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND, you are being handed a glass of Kool Aid and being led to a gas chamber. Run. Run away. The only way someone can do this to you is to isolate you, remove your ability to feel, and promise you an ultimate prize at the end in exchange for your service. But, if you see it as a gift, you can convince yourself that you are happy. After all, you don’t even know what you feel. You are in a cult. It is time for everyone to love and protect each other. If we continue to feed the separatist attitude in ANY way, we are going to watch history repeat itself and 8 million Jews, maybe more will be walking smiling and happily to their destruction. You can stop it with empathy and compassion for anything that breathes, no matter what it believes. Love you guys
I love my friends.. I am clearly going through an intense healing process in front of you and allowing me to get out the most painful feelings and throwing them into the air gets it outside of me. I had no guidance as a child and I never learned emotion regulation. And I’ve always been emotional. My story made me more so. To make it more painful, I was taught to ignore my feelings, demonize my feelings, and change my feelings. I tried doing so but I am the type of person who cannot tolerate lies. I can live them for a while but eventually my soul will begin screaming and my body will break. When I began honoring my feelings as they are, I began to heal. So part of this is just getting it off my chest and throwing off the burden. I don’t have anywhere else to do it. Thank you for receiving this message. The lies about God are the most painful and destructive lies of all. But still, I forgive you and I love you
Give a starving child love and he will spend his life trying to recreate that feeling.. Not knowing what it is he is trying to create.. The feeling person is thinking, I felt so good, feeling good is possible, I like feeling good. I’m sure I can feel good. I’m going to keep trying to feel good. That’s how a feeling person figures things out. They have to be careful that they are tuned into their own feelings first before they can decide what to do. If an external source dictates or tries to change the feelings, disharmony and chaos will occur until the feeling person returns to to a stable place called the ground. It is very hard to control someone who has strong feelings. The most effective way to control a person is through their feelings. If a feeling person never had a quiet mind, they will eventually overload their emotional circuits. I finally know who I am well enough to stand up and say it, even if it is uncomfortable for everyone else to feel. That is the feeling I have carried and denied for a lifetime. Do you see how painful it was!? I gave myself permission to let it go. It feels good to let it go. I like feeling good. It feels so much better than being a slave to pain and fear and lies. Thank you for receiving this message. I love you
The way you feel after vomiting or finally emptying your bowels after being constipated.. Gross, yes, but that’s how I feel.. Glad to get rid of it. Wouldn’t you? If it was a choice to feel that way, wouldn’t you gladly get rid of it if you could? Me too.. Sorry it was so messy, thankfully neither of us has to clean it up, it’s only the feelings. I let them out and no laws were broken, I’m not going to the hospital or jail or suffer major consequences.. It’s just out and done. Thank you for receiving. I love you
Just FYI for every one post that gets sent, three others have been written and discarded .. I’ve spared you the real pain.. These are just words attached with feeling. When the mental abuse really came clear, I was angry like a hornet at my step mother who did the most early damage and I sent her a venomous nasty message out of the blue. Like I just sucker punched her with resentment for what she did. It wasn’t nice of me and I still feel bad but I also gave her back what was hers. She was the most hateful, but I could handle that, I always have. It made me angry when I made the connection between what was done to me to what I passed that on to my kids. The abused person will either continue the cycle in life or become an abuser or both. Emotional abuse is the most cruel. The pain I was subjected to pales in comparison to seeing the negative behavior patterns in my children and knowing that I am responsible for creating them. I’m sorry for not knowing. I know now and I’m not trying to hurt anyone ever again. Starting with myself. Thank you for receiving. I love you
Sadly, people are asking Alex if I’m ok.. Yes! ✌🏼️ hi.. I’m here. I’m ok. People stand around and stare at suffering like it is an animal having a seizure.. No one believes they can do anything about it so they just stand around, watch it suffering and they discuss it among themselves. They say things like .. 

She’s so ugly when she cries

She needs to control her emotions 

She shouldn’t behave like that 

She shouldn’t feel that way

She shouldn’t say things like that

She should keep that stuff to herself

This is the response from a people who has been modified not to understand feelings. This is a mind controlled society. Let’s try starting with compassion.. Next we will add humor 

Then nobody will have to die in order to make everyone live. We can quit depending on someone else to take responsibility for our sins and start acting like human beings. Just a thought 😉
The most beautiful thing I have received from this is people who have known me since I was little who say, I remember you. I remember who you were. They remind me of who I still am. They remind me of how I felt when we were all little and I was watching them and wondering if their life was as painful as mine. My friends seemed happy and their families loved them and life was easy. It was nice to be around life and people rather than an empty loveless home full of anger and rejection. I was so unwanted that I was locked in my room for the whole 3rd grade. I was not allowed out to play with my friends (people or nature.. (I died inside that year) I was half there most of the time, half present in class, half in my created world in my head. I’ve always been sort of in a trance because life in the flesh is just equivalent to pain and suffering all the time. I could keep up that routine until my spine and central nervous system turned in their notice. So I’m grateful for those who allow my pain to be just as it is and don’t ask me to change it. It’s there, it’s real and it’s time to let it go. All the little bits and pieces and leftover pain is dissolving as I allow it to. Fighting feeds it, letting it go away takes all the power from it. I’m finally coming into who I am supposed to be.. Just in time to enjoy the rest of my life. This is love.
Just a side note, the past hasn’t changed.. This whole ugly process was what it looks like to.. Well, all I did was change how I felt about it. All that drama, all that pain. And the whole time all I had to do was say, I don’t want this. I’m putting this here, on the table. You can look at it or not, but it wasn’t mine to begin with it and I have no use for it anymore. I downloaded all I need to know from it and I’m moving up and on. Thank you for listening and thank you for those that want to continue into the second half. If you know me at all, you know it’s going to be fun and funny and crazy just like it always has been but without the emotion and passive aggression. Thank you for listening! Don’t send me a bill because I’ll be returning the favor eventually 💋❤️😍 I love you 🌎🌍🌏✌🏼️

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