I tried to call you twice 3 weeks ago. As all of my calls have in the past year and a half, it went to voicemail. I had the feeling you knew it was me, and you were glad I was calling. Maybe you feel too guilty to pick up the phone and talk to me. If you did, I wouldn’t give you a hard time for whatever happened in the past. I just want to know how you’re doing. How is your health, are you feeling ok.
It makes me very sad that I want to love you and be loved by you but it doesn’t seem like that is possible. It seems like that’s how it has always been: me trying to get you to love me, and you being unable. Looking back now, it seems like you’ve been mean and angry toward everyone. It seems like you treated your dogs better than the people closest to you in your life, especially the ones most loyal to you. I don’t hold this against you, though, and every day I find in myself the compassion and strength to move beyond it more and more. It is a greater challenge for me to come to terms with how my stepmothers treated me.
I have come a long way since I last saw you in 2016. I heard about your experience when you went to my house and I wasn’t there. It makes me sad that you cannot see how much your anger is hurting you. I may be the only one who understands you and why you are the way you are. Why you drown your feelings in alcohol because they are too painful to face. I don’t even think you remember why you do it. I don’t think you even remember how badly your dad and his mom and your whole family on that side treated you. You don’t remember but I have always known there was a hurting little boy inside of you. I know that is why you have never felt confident in yourself and you feel like your life has been a waste, a shit sandwich, one failure after another. It has been trying to teach you something and it is not too late to learn the lesson, but I fear you may not learn it until you’re looking back on your life from the other side.
I would like to share my story publicly in order to help others who have experienced or are experiencing similar abuse. I am a survivor and from a higher perspective what I’ve been through is heroic. I am still full of love and compassion and understanding and I am ready to give this gift to as many people who will accept it. I hope you’ll be one of them, but I accept that you may not. Nonetheless I am grateful for your role in making me who I am today and I know that it came at a price for you.
In love, Light and peace,