The Thing About Relationships

There's this thing about relationships that I have been noticing since I've awakened.  I see this in myself and in others who come to me for advice.  We all have a common denominator when it comes to being in a relationship.

We have what's called relationship goals. We want to be loved and adored and appreciated. We want our space and we want to be needed. We want to be seen as a goddess and respected as a man. Why can't we achieve this? Why is it so difficult? Why do we feel so needy? Why do we crave so much attention? Why do we pull on them until we push them away?

All of us have the same needs. Love and companionship. We seek this in our relationships with others and in the beginning it goes fairly well. Soon enough, however, our insecurities begin to raise their ugly heads, and because we are right smack dab in the middle of it, we can't see what is happening objectively. Our inner child screams too loud for us to be able to think straight. You cannot see yourself when you press your nose to the mirror. In order to truly be objective, we must step back and take an honest look at ourselves.

All relationships offer an opportunity to grow. Relationships exist so that we can expand our consciousness. Period. That is what relationships are for. They are not to fill a void in our soul, but sometimes that's how we treat them.

If we have aligned with someone who matches our own vibrational insecurities, we could be in for a long journey. If you are codependent and you line up with a narcissist, it could be a while before you get uncomfortable enough to learn. If you have aligned with someone who is meant to create radical and immediate changes in you, you will quickly find yourself very uncomfortable with this person. The only solution is to be completely objective and to remember, it is only your attachment to your beliefs that prevent you from being content. It is important to be present and clear and objective and honest with yourself about what beliefs this relationship is challenging.

For women, we usually have to go back to our childhood and look at the beliefs we created around our relationship with our father. Did he spend enough quality time with us? Did he make us feel beautiful, loved, appreciated, adored? In the world we live in today, most likely not.

For men, we can also look to our childhood and our relationship with our mother. Was she secure, needless, content? Most likely not in this world today. She most likely felt needy, like she didn't get enough attention from the men in her life, so she turned to her son for the attention she lacked. These experiences create a dynamic that carries into our relationships later on in life.

The first step to remedy this problem is to stop looking to our partner to fill the holes that exist within us. We must heal these childhood wounds, make our own selves whole, then we will be able to contribute fully to our partnership.

It sounds easy to make these statements, but the feelings they create are difficult. It is ok to feel this pain. It is ok to feel like a victim. You kind of are. Well, your inner child is, anyway. The child that experienced the lack that you did. You do not have to stay a victim, you can heal your own inner child and move on, empowered. It's not easy, but it's possible. The first step is to simply accept what is. Then begin to understand why it is.

I love you all

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