Dad

Dear Dad,

I hope you’re doing well.  I often think about you.  I want to enquire about your health, ask how you’re doing and see what is new.  I try to call you, but you don’t answer.  I try calling before 3, before you start drinking.  I know your routine.

I worry about you.  Your lifestyle surely must be taking its toll on your body by now.  I want you to know I love you.  I have always told you I understand that you did the best you could raising me.  I believe you are the product of your family.  You didn’t mean to be cruel.  Somebody hurt you, too.

I’m in London, now.  I’m happy.  I hope that’s what you’d want for me.  I wish life wasn’t so painful, but then, if it hadn’t been, I wouldn’t be me.  I wouldn’t be the strong, secure and compassionate person I am today.  I’ve come a long way when it comes to forgiveness.  I don’t blame your family for misunderstanding me.  Until recently, I didn’t understand me, either.  

All I needed was someone to believe in me, so I could learn to believe in myself.  I found someone willing to trust in me.  Someone who didn’t argue with me, or tell me I was crazy.  Someone who listened to me, and let me figure things out on my own.  Holding a safe space for a person does wonders for self healing and awareness.  I’m not even angry that it took so much effort to get what I needed.  It’s all part of the journey.

I hope that you’re not suffering.  I have this feeling that you’ll get very sick and not tell anyone you’re suffering.  I would be sad if you died alone and no one knew for many days.  You could do that, if you choose.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  I know you think no one cares about you.  You think life is a shit sandwich and everyone has to take a bite.  That might be true for you, but only because you believe it is that way.  You have manifested that reality for yourself because you believe it and behave accordingly.  I hope you learn that it’s not that way.  People are good, and compassionate and kind.  You can bring those qualities out in anyone if you find them within yourself.  I know you think your life was a waste.  You have a lot of regret for what you could have done, but didn’t.  I do believe everything happens for a reason.  It may be on our death bed that we realize what those reasons are.  Personally, I can’t wait that long.  I came here to change the world and I must go where I am called.  I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again, as you are, in this lifetime.  I want you to know, that even if I don’t, I will continue to send you love and support, if only through my prayers.

2 Comments

  1. grumpysunshineog
    July 26, 2017

    This is beautiful!

    Reply
    1. Black Swan Sibyl 💙
      July 26, 2017

      Thank you for reading and commenting!

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *