I hope you’re doing well. I often think about you. I want to enquire about your health, ask how you’re doing and see what is new. I try to call you, but you don’t answer. I try calling before 3, before you start drinking. I know your routine.
I worry about you. Your lifestyle surely must be taking its toll on your body by now. I want you to know I love you. I have always told you I understand that you did the best you could raising me. I believe you are the product of your family. You didn’t mean to be cruel. Somebody hurt you, too.
I’m in London, now. I’m happy. I hope that’s what you’d want for me. I wish life wasn’t so painful, but then, if it hadn’t been, I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t be the strong, secure and compassionate person I am today. I’ve come a long way when it comes to forgiveness. I don’t blame your family for misunderstanding me. Until recently, I didn’t understand me, either.
All I needed was someone to believe in me, so I could learn to believe in myself. I found someone willing to trust in me. Someone who didn’t argue with me, or tell me I was crazy. Someone who listened to me, and let me figure things out on my own. Holding a safe space for a person does wonders for self healing and awareness. I’m not even angry that it took so much effort to get what I needed. It’s all part of the journey.
I hope that you’re not suffering. I have this feeling that you’ll get very sick and not tell anyone you’re suffering. I would be sad if you died alone and no one knew for many days. You could do that, if you choose. But it doesn’t have to be that way. I know you think no one cares about you. You think life is a shit sandwich and everyone has to take a bite. That might be true for you, but only because you believe it is that way. You have manifested that reality for yourself because you believe it and behave accordingly. I hope you learn that it’s not that way. People are good, and compassionate and kind. You can bring those qualities out in anyone if you find them within yourself. I know you think your life was a waste. You have a lot of regret for what you could have done, but didn’t. I do believe everything happens for a reason. It may be on our death bed that we realize what those reasons are. Personally, I can’t wait that long. I came here to change the world and I must go where I am called. I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again, as you are, in this lifetime. I want you to know, that even if I don’t, I will continue to send you love and support, if only through my prayers.