Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

If I wasn’t so insecure, I would have left him when he told me 

his favorite part about being married was being able to roll over and have sex whenever he wanted.  

If I had known better..

I wouldn’t have compromised myself for fear of being alone. 

I wouldn’t have done what I did to myself.

I played the role they wrote for me

Crazy, sick and mentally ill

I wouldn’t have sold myself short.

I wouldn’t have kept the blindfold on

If I had known my efforts would not have made a difference.

I wouldn’t have cowered for fear of being rejected 

I would have stood up for myself

I would have told the truth

I would have screamed at the top of my voice

I would have left and set boundaries 

I would have shown my children what a strong woman really looks like

I would not have rolled over and given permission 

I would have said no to this game 

So many if I would haves.

I would not have said it was love

I would not have supported the lies

I would not have believed I didn’t deserve better

I would not have let him convince me he was the only one who could understand me

I would not have let him take over my life and my mind

I would not have agreed with this contract

I would not have ignored what I was thinking 

I would not have cocreated this dysfunction 

I would have called it out for what it was

It was idealism

I would not have been so self deprecating 

I wouldn’t have discredited every one of the compliments I was given

It was approval I wanted

Approval only I can give myself

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