Core Wound

I have serious issues surrounded by feeling

Unwanted

Of feeling a sense of lack 

A need of something

What is it?

It’s unconditional love 

I need unconditional love because for my whole life 

I have felt undesired

My parents didn’t intend to have me

I was a disruptive person for coming into existence 

Changing their lives 

So I feel rejected

The knowing that they and everyone associated with them really didn’t want me

I have felt undesirable because all of my relationships have ended in rejection 

Abandonment

I feel unsought

They weren’t asking for a child

I was an accident

This is how I have felt about myself for 44 years 

And my body knows it

My mind knows it

And because of these subconscious beliefs and thoughts I have had about myself

I have been self destructive 

That ends today

Today I realize

I am desirable

I want my life. I want to live.  I want to be happy and healthy and pain free

I deserve it.  I am worthy. 

I am desired by me

I am wanted because I want myself. No matter what anyone else wants or says or thinks about me

I want me.

I have always felt not wanted.  And when someone else actually wanted me, I then realized how stuck I was in that feeling

I felt nonessential.  Like my life didn’t matter

I felt insufficient. Like I’m never good enough.  I can never do enough. I’m a bad daughter and a bad wife and a bad friend and a bad mother.  I felt like nothing I did was right or good enough. Or enough period.

This was my feeling. Because I felt that way about myself.

As of today, I have begun to disagree with feeling undesirable

I believe

I AM

I am desirable

I am wanted

I am welcome here

I deserve to be here

Because if nothing else, I feel this way about me.

And my feelings about me are what matter most

For healing

For living

And for thriving

Which is a whole lot more important 

Than just simply surviving 
(painting by the beautiful Teal Swan.. available at www.tealswan.com)

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