Rage .. the Final Word..(maybe)

Since I’ve left the situation that made me feel powerless, I have slowly processed the rage I’d kept within. It was only a week ago, or maybe two, max, that I finally felt free from the anger and rage I’d been carrying so long. Now that I have long periods of consciousness and peace, when I feel the feeling of anger over situations rise up in me, I feel it again very strongly.  What I mean is, it does not take much to trigger my rage.  It comes up quickly and with great power.  

It just makes me realize how much I had suppressed. I had SO much rage, stuffed way down deep inside me.  For so long, that it felt like a part of me.  I was in the most amazing state of denial for nearly my entire life.  Now that it is no longer a comfortable state of mind, now that I’ve allowed myself to feel it and let it pass, when something makes me feel powerless, the rage comes up so fast, I am almost shocked at how strong and powerful it is.  Feeling powerless no longer resonates with me.  It is a feeling I want nothing to do with.  I want nothing to do with carrying rage or fear or pretending I don’t feel it when I do.

This has caused me to really know myself.  I know my preferences and I know what I will not allow.  Life is full of triggers and opportunities to grow.  The greatest gift I have ever given myself, is the permission to feel what I feel.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *