When Your Body Speaks

We all experience physical signs of unhappiness

They are a part of life

Life is sometimes hard

It is harder for some than for others

How can we heal ourselves

Without healing our feelings it is impossible to heal our bodies

Pain feels real because it is real

Psychosomatic disorders are physical symptoms that mask emotional distress

The very nature of physical symptoms hide the distress at the root

It is natural to seek a medical disease to explain the suffering

My sadness was so overwhelming that I could not bear to feel it

Instead I developed physical ailments 

My subconscious chose to be crippled by disease rather than experience the anguish that existed inside me

The pain served a purpose 

It happened for a reason

Words were not available so my body spoke for me

I had to listen

The pain is real

But it arises in the subconscious rather than being due to a brain disease

Or a diagnosis of premature aging 

A split occurred in the mind

Dissociation

My conscious mind separated from what was happening around me

One part of me didn’t know what the other was doing

The symptoms were my body telling me something is wrong

I couldn’t see it until I saw it

Physical manifestations of unhappiness

Not personality flaws or signs of weakness

In fact, the opposite 

I am superhuman

But life is hard sometimes

Harder for some than for others

Everyone manifests hardship in different ways

Some cry

Some complain

Some sleep

Some stop sleeping

Some drink

Some eat

Some get angry

And some suffer

Like me

In the legal system, the burden of proof requires evidence to support the truth

A diagnosis is made

My disability has a psychological cause

With every new thing I learned, my symptoms would evolve

Pain

Tiredness

Overwhelming 

Nothing could account for all the pain I was in

I am a person beyond my medical history

I have a life beyond my illnesses

What was I hiding?

It felt real because it was real

A learned inability to understand 

A struggle to accept the power of the mind over the body

A conversion of stress into paralysis 

Symptoms that arose through stress and anxiety

Produced in the mind

Depending on what I understood at the time about my own body and disease

Lack of support

Financial woes

A bad marriage

A neglectful childhood

Being accused of lying, of faking, of imagining that things weren’t as bad as they were 

The nervous system is like a computer

All the hardware is intact, the wires are in the right place

But a software problem kept my body from receiving message to leave

Fear

Trauma

Blocking the message I needed to heed

Sadness was looking for a way out

Emotions converted into physical symptoms 

Letting others determine what counted as an acceptable public manifestation of stress

There was more than one cause for unhappiness

There was more than one answer for solving it

Loneliness

Breaking the pattern of fear, trauma and avoidance

Addressing the trigger meant leaving everything behind 

And finding a safe place to finally heal

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