I Got Out Alive

Goodbyes

Unedited

The last note I wrote

The only note of many

Lost and never read

I’ll never be at this place again

See, I never could just quit

There was always just enough love left

Enough love to sustain

The beliefs I had created about those to whom I’d dedicated

My life and all of my service

Until I turned and faced the shadows

The reason I was running

Those shadows always took me down

To a level I couldn’t master

I couldn’t accept the depth

Of depression I had reached and why

Until I tuned into those voices

I couldn’t feel my soul

Once I finally reached a point 

My body cried like she knows

The only chance I had to live 

To save my daughters and me

Was to find the strength within myself

Find my worth

My value

My resolve

I found light in spite of it all

Oppression could not keep me down

For once I felt the feeling of more

The belief in love was all I needed

I needed to align myself

Within the truth that is within us

Collectively as a conscious union 

Each of us is infinitely more 

Worthy than we realize 

We absolutely would not be here

If we were not here for a reason

That reason is to be yourself

At which you cannot fail

The freedom to express your truth

Needs only your permission

Believing in yourself is more powerful than 

Believing in anything

Or any One

Outside you or external

The savior you are waiting for

Praying for

Is you

Dear AX

I’m sorry most of all to leave you behind. I want you to know that I’m not abandoning you I’m just giving up. My life has been one big mistake and I just can’t seem to stop making them. Maybe this will be the biggest of them all but I won’t know that will I? I want you to keep going. Have a full life and serve Jehovah. If he wakes me up in the new system I want you to be there. You have potential. Don’t do what I have done. I am a failure and I will never be anything more. I love you Alfabear. I’m really sorry I just can’t do it anymore.
Dear JE

Thank you for trying. Thank you for not giving up. Thank you for always being kind even when I was mean to you. I am setting you free. Go find happiness. You certainly deserve it. I am so sorry.I love you
SG

There’s not much left to say. You were my heart. You have the potential to have a great life. I’m sorry I screwed you up and exposed you to so much. I don’t even know what to say to you except I’m sorry. I am truly at a loss for words. I hope you come back to Jehovah. I hope I will see you in the new system. I hope you have a great life. I hope you find what you were looking for…you will always be my baby. I love you

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